It seems that everyday someone new is added to this "club". This shitty club of sadness, anger, and despair. Strangely, my role within this club has changed. I am no longer the one who is needing the support, but the one who is providing the support. It seems so odd to me. If you had told me those first few months that I would be in this place, I would have called you a liar. For at that time, I could barely breathe let alone imagine I might someday offer sound advice to someone in this same position.
Somewhere along the road I have learned a few things.
I have learned that I no longer tolerate things that I did before. Petty things just don't bode well with me anymore.
I've learned that even if I don't want to, I will continue to survive. If not for myself, but for my girls. They make life worth living and then some.
I've learned that life isn't fair. It wasn't fair we were semi-infertile. It wasn't fair that I did everything I could to keep the three of them safe and Charlie died anyway.
I've learned not everyone understands. No matter how much I wish they did.
I've learned that people will always disappoint you in the end.
I've learned people who share a similar story, make wonderful friends.
I've learned there are far more of us out there than anyone ever cared to know.
While to average reader, this might all seem very cynical. Perhaps. Perhaps, it is just a glimpse of the person you become when you lose a child. For no life, regardless of how short it may be is insignificant. That the grieving parent, deserves to grieve however they muddle through. That support shouldn't end after a period of time. And those people who do not understand, should take a few lessons from us. If nothing else, to learn empathy.