Wednesday, September 15, 2010

33 Weeks...Hopefully (keep your fingers crossed) 3 more weeks!

Today I am 32w6d...let's just pretend it is tomorrow and I am 33 weeks. Yesterday was a day I prefer not to repeat. Although, if I stop and look at the big picture it really is a minor bump in the road and quite frankly, it's amazing I haven't ended up there before. Where is there...well, it is Labor and Deliver Triage. Yesterday was my weekly NST (non-stress test). I wasn't worried. I know the beans are all doing well. I mean I feel them and see them move constantly. However, what I wasn't expecting was to start contracting. Now, I have been having some contractions for the past 2 weeks. BUT, they always stop and really not to worry about. However, yesterday as I am laying there all hooked up listening to the babies heartbeats race away, I started having rhythmic contractions. I was contracting every 6 minutes. Not crazy strong ones, but none the less. So, Marty, called Dr. Stewart and off to OB Triage I go. I got naked, hooked up to the monitor and was kinda hanging out. Still contracting. They had the nursing student come in and draw labs. I was impressed, didn't even leave a bruise (it helps that I know my anatomy and told her where to stab). Then they came in and gave me a shot of Terbutaline. This drug is used to stop premature labor. Made me feel like I had taken crack. I was shaky and jittery, but it stopped the contractions. Then the Resident came in and did a fetal fibronectin swab and checked my cervix. This test evidently is a predictor of pre-term labor. Thankfully, it was negative and my cervix is still long and tightly closed. I was sent home with oral Terbutaline just in case, but haven't had to take any yet. Good news, right?

Today I had a scheduled growth ultrasound. Now, I know the beans are fine. After all, they perform like little superstars in all of their testing. As I was sitting in the waiting room I could feel myself getting anxious. Why...who the hell knows. So, needless to say, my BP was pretty high when I went in. And to top it off I had protein in my urine. So, Dr. Stewart wants me rest over the weekend and try to get my head out of my ass. Then I get to go in Monday morning for a BP check. If the BP is still high and there is still protein in my urine I am being admitted for strict bed rest and monitoring.

This is my plan. Park it on the couch. Drink a crap load of fluids and devour an entire watermelon by Monday. In case you didn't know watermelon is a natural diuretic. Hopefully, the BP will be unchanged and the protein will have washed itself from my kidney's.

About the beans. They look great. As of today their estimated weights are 4.9, 4.6, and 3.13 lbs. My goal is to keep them in until 36 weeks. That gives them 3 more weeks to plump up just a little more and to get their lungs into shape. I absolutely do not want these babies going to the NICU. They are measuring around the 50th percentile for a singleton. Dr. Stewart told me that his twins were born at 36 weeks and weighed 4.12 and 3.9. So, already my beans are bigger than one of his twins that had 3 weeks on mine. If the babies have to be delivered next week they will be fine. However, they will spend a little time in the NICU. Again, not my plan. While my brain tells me that everything will be okay. My heart is terrified.

Of course then I have the added wacky feelings. I love my belly. I love feeling them move. I'm not ready to lose that. Knowing this will be the only time I do this makes me wish it would never end. Truthfully, I'm not horribly uncomfortable. I'm not saying that my hips don't hurt and my back doesn't hurt, but it isn't anything I won't survive. I suppose part of me is selfish and not quite ready to share them with everyone else. We worked so hard to get them, I just want to keep them to myself. And of course, I have to go back to work. I'm not ready to be away from them. If they are in the NICU I will miss that time. And once they are born then I don't get to be with them all of the time anymore. I'm sure everyone is thinking oh Lord, she is going to be crazy. I promise I will work on that. If I can't fix it, I will turn to pharmaceutical methods to make sure I don't go nuts. :)

And lastly, today would have been my grandma's 83rd birthday. Happy Birthday Grandma.

Friday, September 3, 2010

31 Weeks and counting....

I think today's blog is going to focus on feelings.

I have so many things running through my head on any given day. Up until recently it was all of these crazy worries about the babies developing. Will we have a heartbeat when we go to the doctor? What will I do if we lose a baby? Are they developing correctly (4 chambers of the heart, intestines in the right place, two kidneys, two halves of the brain, etc..)? When will I feel them move? Okay, now I have felt them move, why aren't they moving today? Now the babies are fully developed and looking great. They are active and ornery. I really can't ask for anything more. However, the fears that were baby-centric have now turned inward. I now have this new set of fears and thoughts. I'm sure some of it has to do with being a first time mother. But, then again, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact we have three coming.

Things like: Will I be able to handle them? Am I going to go crazy? Will we be able to afford them? Is my husband going to get so overwhelmed by all of it that he runs? What were we thinking...we can't be parents? Parents of multiples have a higher divorce rate, will we end up divorced? We have been together 9 1/2 years how is this going to affect our relationship? Will I be able to breastfeed them enough? Am I going to be a good mom? How will I possibly give them enough attention?

I am extremely grateful for these three babies. I can't imagine not having them, but I would be lying if I didn't second guess our decision to transfer three embryos. Granted, we did that because the odds were against us. And quite frankly, it hurt thinking of our babies just dying in a petri dish and being tossed in the garbage.

I heard a quote from another couple with Quints...."we didn't ask for all these babies, but God has chosen us to be parents to them". That quote made me feel so much better. I was afraid I was the only one who had these kinds of feelings.

When I was working, I didn't have time to think about this kind of stuff. I was working 50 hours a week and sleeping when I wasn't at work. Now, laying on the couch, I have all of this time to sit and listen to my inner monologue. I'd like it to shut up, please.

Then of course there is the C-Section and hospital stay. I've never had a real surgery and I have never stayed the night in a hospital. I'm terrified of the epidural/spinal. Let us not forget the incision on the belly. Oh and I have to have a foley. Of course then I think of things like bleeding, DIC, and dying. Let's face it..women still die giving birth. Yes, it is rare. But, the US is somewhere in the middle just above some third world countries for maternal death.

Aren't you all glad you don't have to live with me...

Anyway, at the doctor on Tuesday everyone looked great. A and B had the hiccups while we were hooked up to the NST. Hiccups sound kinda weird on the monitor. C moved off of their monitor about every 5 minutes. Their strips looked great. Good variability and nice active kiddos. I will have another growth scan on the 15th. Everyone pray for fat babies. I'm still hoping for 5lbs each.

We have roughly 5 weeks left. I think we have everything we need. Things just need to be organized and stocked for their arrival. We will wait until the last minute so that everything doesn't get full of hair from the fur-babies.