My poor poor Emma...

So, I noticed earlier this week that Emma felt warm. She had a low grade fever on and off from about Tuesday morning. She had also seemed to take forever to eat, so I knew something was brewing. My mom arrived on Friday night. I had to fight with her to get 3 oz down her and she refused to nurse at all. I took her temp and it was 101. Since I am on the conservative side, I called the on-call doc. He said to give her tylenol and bring her in the office Saturday morning. As I walked out the door I told my mom..."I hope we don't get admitted". Too bad that is exactly what happened. She slept in bed with me ( I swore I would never do that) and at 4:00 I gave her tylenol because her temp was 101.5. I fed her about 5 and changed her diaper. She didn't have another wet diaper until noon and didn't eat until 11 Saturday morning. So, we went to the ED hoping she would just get some labs drawn and maybe some fluids. They went ahead and did a chest x-ray which to everyone's surprise showed a small right uppper lobe pneumonia. So, off to the floor we went. She will most likely be here until Tuesday getting IV antibiotics. They were giving her fluids, but stopped those this afternoon. She continues to spike fevers of 101-102. They give a little tylenol and they come down for a bit. I think the fevers are more because of whatever virus has her than the actual pneumonia. Her lungs sound clear. No wheezing or fluid. She had a head to toe rash yesterday from the virus. It seems to be fading. When she doesn't have a fever she is her normal perky-happy-bright eyed self. When her fever starts creeping up her little eyes get glassy and you can just tell she doesn't feel good. I'm hoping we are about done with this. Watching her feel so icky is awful. It makes me feel so helpless.

Tree Lighting and Remembering Charlie...

We attended the Children's Tree lighting ceremony. Gerry and Marti Cowden (Derek's parent's friends) dedicated a blue light on the tree to Charlie and and a white light for each Emma and Katie. Derek brought the girls up to the hospital. I parked ourselves to where I knew we could see the tree. Just looking in the program and seeing my three babies names brought me to tears. I kept running my fingers over Charlie's name while I kissed my girls. There was a little Christmas program and then they lit the tree. Strange how the simple lighting of a tree has so much emotion tied to it when you know that a tiny piece represents the most precious parts of you. I sobbed. I leaned on Derek as we held our girls staring at that tree. Wishing I could go touch one of those blue lights just so I could touch Charlie in some manner.

Wednesday was the Remembrance Ceremony. It is a ceremony for anyone who has lost a child regardless of age. I had Charlie's name put in the program. They read off all of the names and chime a bell for each child. Hearing your child's name read by someone else validates they existed. As they read Charlie's name I looked at his picture. I kissed Emma and cried. I look at them and see how much they have changed and wonder where he would have been. Would he be as happy as they are? Would he smile as much as Katie does? I will never know.