Tree Lighting and Remembering Charlie...

We attended the Children's Tree lighting ceremony. Gerry and Marti Cowden (Derek's parent's friends) dedicated a blue light on the tree to Charlie and and a white light for each Emma and Katie. Derek brought the girls up to the hospital. I parked ourselves to where I knew we could see the tree. Just looking in the program and seeing my three babies names brought me to tears. I kept running my fingers over Charlie's name while I kissed my girls. There was a little Christmas program and then they lit the tree. Strange how the simple lighting of a tree has so much emotion tied to it when you know that a tiny piece represents the most precious parts of you. I sobbed. I leaned on Derek as we held our girls staring at that tree. Wishing I could go touch one of those blue lights just so I could touch Charlie in some manner.

Wednesday was the Remembrance Ceremony. It is a ceremony for anyone who has lost a child regardless of age. I had Charlie's name put in the program. They read off all of the names and chime a bell for each child. Hearing your child's name read by someone else validates they existed. As they read Charlie's name I looked at his picture. I kissed Emma and cried. I look at them and see how much they have changed and wonder where he would have been. Would he be as happy as they are? Would he smile as much as Katie does? I will never know.