Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Good Bye 2010...

Every year we go downtown Akron and watch fireworks. We love fireworks. In fact, it will be a travesty if the girls don't like them. Anyway, this year we didn't go. We didn't think it was a good idea to drag the girls out. Turns out it was quite warm and we could have, but none the less. While all of the others were celebrating the new year, I was crying and wishing the new year wouldn't come. I felt like I was abandoning Charlie. He will always be in 2010. He will always be frozen in time. I sat holding my girls at the stroke of midnight Eastern time sobbing. I couldn't help myself. When I saw the clock turn 12:00 I lost control. There was nothing I could do. I sat holding my girls, rocking my girls. Knowing I would never get to rock Charlie again. We stayed awake until it was midnight Charlie's time. By then the girls were zonked out. Derek and I sat on our front steps and toasted Charlie with champagne. Derek held me while I wept. He allowed me to cry as hard as I needed.

The first day of 2011 we spent as a family. We stayed in our jammies and watched movies. Then went to have pork sandwiches with the Carmicheal family.


  1. Jennifer, I too lost a multiple during the third trimester. I, too, live in Ohio. If you would like to be in touch please let me know. I am on facebook. I don't see your email posted anywhere here. This type of loss is so unique, and I have found the greatest comfort in connecting with people who have had similar experiences. So just let me know - comment back, whatever, if you want to touch base.

  2. Lynne, I would love to meet up.