This week has been a huge day in the Haake house. First, I took their first set of Easter pictures. We will be having other done while in STL, but I wanted Charlie to be in some too. I suspect they will have lots of fun and cutesy stuff awaiting them while in STL.
Two big events this week: They turned 6 months old yesterday and miss Emma is getting 2 teeth. No, not just one. She has to continue to be the over-achiever and get 2. Now, most parents would think that was awesome. Then there is me. I am not excited. I am not wanting them to be six months old already. I am certainly not ready for teeth. Because I am gone all of the time working I feel like I have missed out on so much stuff. Especially these really big things. One of the big things I missed is Kate rolling over. And because she is stubborn (really, why would one of my kids be stubborn) she hasn't done it again. Yesterday I sobbed when I found those two teeth. Derek looked at me like I had four heads. I was just devistated, but of course promptly called everyone and posted a picture on facebook (broken, I think so).
Like everything else these things are bittersweet. My mind always says "YaY the girls did this really cool thing and then I wish Charlie was here too and I wonder if he would be doing this". And the tears start to flow. I also stopped pumping as of last night. I wasn't producing much, but I still wasn't ready. It is another one of those things I have to grieve for. Nursing is something I really wanted to do. More than once I wanted to throw in the towel, but I didn't. I was determined to pump and get them through RSV season. While I accomplished that, I'm still very sad.
This morning I was standing in the shower and just busted out in a wailing sob. Not sure why, but I did. Then I opened my laptop and sobbed because I have Charlie as my wallpaper. Then I started crying driving into work for no real reason. I guess today is the day to cry. Damn it!