Tuesday, January 24, 2012

16 Months

Yesterday the monkey's turned 16 months. They are running, climbing, and generally just being funny. Emma says: kitty kitty kitty, uh oh, hi, get, and several other things that while I can't quite make them out I know she is saying things. According to the developmental psychologist she has quite an extensive vocabulary. Kate isn't chatting quite as much. She is very good at pointing and showing me what she wants. She is communicating, just differently. Again, according to the developmental psychologist, she too has a good vocabulary. They got a stuffed dolphin for Christmas that miss Katie absolutely loves. When I ask her where here "ee ee" is she laughs and runs and finds it. Why do we call the dolphin "ee ee"? Well, becuase that is the sound a dolphin makes don't you know. These two little girls just keep me laughing.

Generally, the 23rd of the month comes and goes these days. In the beginning I noticed it. I dreaded the 23rd of each month. Yesterday, I was sitting at my desk and I realized it was the 23rd and I happen to look at the time at 11:37 am. Three minutes before we were told Charlie had died 16 months before. All of the sudden those emotions came flooding back. I kept it under control, which is something I would have NEVER been able to do just a few short months ago. I just sat at my desk feeling sad. I left work, thinking I was in the clear. Nope...not so much. I went grocery shopping. When I went to check out the song "Far Away" by Nickleback came on. I started to cry at the check out. The line "I love you, I wanted you to stay..." gets me every time (as I tear up writing it).

While time continues to pass, the feelings aren't as raw. Charlie is never far from my thoughts. I still wonder what he would look like and how he would be right now. How would he fit in with the girls. Would he be the leader or the follower. Would he have a wicked temper like Miss Emma or would he have a longer fuse like Miss Kate. I really hope he wouldn't be a breath holder - turn purple - pass outter kind of kid like Miss Kate, who did that three times during dinner last night. I will never know any of these answers. But I won't stop wondering.

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