Tuesday, March 16, 2010

How do you make a baby?

Well, if you are Derek and myself this is what you do.

1. Give yourself injections one-two times a day.

2. Take a day off work so that a physician can remove your eggs with a giant needle.

3. Obtain a specimen from your husband.

4. Have an embryologist inject one of your husbands sperm into each of your eggs.

5. Wait for the embryologist to call and tell you that you have acheived fertilization.

6. Take Valium and go transfer embryos back into the womb.

7. Stay on strict bedrest for 3 days to give your little embryos every chance to implant.

8. Wait for 11 days before you go have your blood drawn to find out if indeed you are pregnant. Meanwhile, doing everything in your power not to pee on a stick, because you are very good

at playing the what-if-game. And trying to remain cool so your husband doesn't kill you for

worrying too much.

9. Get your blood drawn

10. Convince yourself that the blood test is going to be negative. Because if I think it is negative

Maybe it will be positive.

11. Sob when the phone rings with your lab results.

12. Have your husband answer the phone because you are far too hysterical to possibly talk to

your favorite nurse.

13. Listen to the nurse on speaker phone say "It's good news". Then start crying and

hyperventilating all at the same time.

14. Learn your first beta is 176.

15. Watch all of the color drain from your husband's face as he says "what if it is too positive"

16. Get second beta two days later

17. It's 307. Schedule your first ultrasound.

18. Wait...a very LONG two and a half weeks for the ultrasound.

19. Wait.....

20. The weekend before your ultrasound panic because you don't have any "sypmtoms". I

mean all of the books tell you that you should be vomitting, have super sore boobs, and

such. Realize that okay, maybe I am a little emotional. That is a symptom. Cry.

21. Go to your ultrasound. All the while praying there is just one in there. We aren't greedy.

22. Listen to the doctor count. One gestational sac...two gestational sacs...oh wait, there are

three gestational sacs. Each one with a little baby and a heartbeat.

23. Laugh hysterically. Triplets!

24. Tell your friends and family and listen to all of them say "Holy Shit!" or "Your kidding?"

25. Reality sets in. You don't sleep. Holy crap...I am having 3 babies! How am I going

to ever do this.

26. Remind yourself to breathe. God had given us an amazing gift. We will be fine.

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