We have been home a week today. Truthfully, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to. The girls are on a pretty strict schedule. I think that has helped tremendously. The four of us have a little routine so far. Now mind you, their idea of a routine is eating and sleeping. However, we all seem to be adjusting fairly well. When we brought them home we introduced them to the dogs one at a time. As I suspected, the babies are not really our babies. They are actually their babies. Teaghan is peticularly protective. He gets quite upset when they cry. I will admit, once the babies were born the animals were knocked down the totem pole quite a bit. I never thought I would let that happen, but I suppose it is just the nature of things.
This weekend Derek's brother was married and all of his family came in to town. We had a parade of visitors all weekend. Additionally, my mom, Mike, Cass, and Scott were here visiting. Of course, I sobbed when my mom left. I really miss my family. Derek's parents just left. Derek went with them to grab dinner. All of the sudden my house seems very empty. It is just me and the girls. Feels strange.
How am I coping overall...it is hourly. Some days are better than others. This past week has been really rough. I'm not sure why, but it seems I have been crying more than not. The roller coaster of emotions is probably the hardest. I have these two amazing and beautiful little girls whom I adore. But, my heart still aches for their brother. I should be focusing on what I have and not what I don't. I am grateful that these girls are healthy and perfect, but some days it is very hard not to focus on the loss. I look at his pictures every morning and every night. Today I looked at the pictures we took of him and us in the hospital. He really was beautiful and just so amazing. I am sure with time that will become less frequent, but for now, it helps me. Tomorrow is going to be the first meeting of a support group for parents who have lost babies. I am hoping it helps.
I have a million pictures to upload and to email out, I will get to it. I promise.