Saturday, April 2, 2011
The shower has become my safe place to cry. It is the place I can go and cry as hard as I need to and as loud as I want. I know Derek knows I do it. For instance, last night I watched the babies delivery on our video camera. Derek stopped recording before they brought out Charlie, but he did take some stills with the video camera. So, I looked at those too. I had been loving on the girls and trying to smile through the tears. I managed to get them settled and then hit the shower. I crumpled as I stepped into the hot water. I teetered against the wall, wailing into my hands. I screamed into my towel. When I came downstairs having pretended I was just taking a shower to wash my hair. I noticed the volume was up on the television. He heard me. He knew what I was taking a shower for. Afterall, I think he does it too.