Happy Valentine's Day!

My sweet Charlie and his Valentine decorations
Katie Bug

Emmy Pooh

Monday is going to be a bittersweet day. Valentine's day is the day we transferred our three perfect embryos into my womb. Never did we expect all three would stick. We were hoping for one and instead we got all three. I have never been so happy as the day I found out we were having triplets. That happiness carried through my entire pregnancy. Each kick, each hiccup, and every smack to the bladder. I loved being pregnant with my three little beans.

Emma was the baby who held everyone in. She positioned herself across the bottom half of my womb to hold her brother and sister up. She is the fiesty one. She is strong. Emma is the leader.

Katie was a wiggler. She was the one who rolled and stretched and pushed her siblings out of the way. She is happy and gentle, but truly a little diva. She will be the instigator.

Charlie was the mover and shaker. Afterall, he started off as baby A and ended up as baby C. It was Charlie who I felt the most. I felt his kicks, his rolls, his hiccups, his rear end, and his elbows. I suppose, I knew him the best in utero. I think he would have been a handful. A welcome handful.

So, as Valentine's Day approaches, I am so very thankful for my three beautiful babies. I reflect on this past year with great joy and extreme sadness. If nothing else, I want my children to know how much they were wanted and how much they are loved.

4 Months...where has the time gone

Emma 4 months

Katie 4 months

The girls went for their 4 month check up/vaccines on Saturday. I am happy to report they are doing quite well. Emma weighed 11lbs and is 24 inches long. She is in the 10th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for length. That is not adjusting for prematurity. Katie is 12 lb 2 oz and 23.9 inches long. She is 25th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for length. Emma coos and talks all of the time. She is fascinated with her hands and feet. Some days I have to pin her down to get her to eat. She smiles at you and everything bad just goes away. Katie smiles and is generally also a happy munchkin. She laughed for the first time last week. It was so amazing. Kate plays with her hands and at night gets her feet moving and kicks the side of the pack-n-play. She likes the crinkle sound it makes. We tried cereal for the first time last week. They didn't really enjoy the experience. So, I waited several days and tried to introduce it again. Still not so fond of it, but did a little better. Truly, it is a little early for cereal. There really isn't much of a hurry, but I thought I would try. They are getting better at sitting in their exersaucers. Derek plays their water video for them a few times a week. They seem to enjoy it. I am guessing because it is bright and flashy. It has sucked me in a few times and I am an adult (or so the rumor is).

All in all, I would say I have two very happy healthy little girls. They love their mommy and daddy and we adore them. There is no greater feeling than walking in the door from a long day and having your princesses smile because you are home.

While it really isn't fair to Derek becuase he is home with them all day..I do love that when I walk in they want me. It becomes all about the mom. :)

Good Bye 2010...

Every year we go downtown Akron and watch fireworks. We love fireworks. In fact, it will be a travesty if the girls don't like them. Anyway, this year we didn't go. We didn't think it was a good idea to drag the girls out. Turns out it was quite warm and we could have, but none the less. While all of the others were celebrating the new year, I was crying and wishing the new year wouldn't come. I felt like I was abandoning Charlie. He will always be in 2010. He will always be frozen in time. I sat holding my girls at the stroke of midnight Eastern time sobbing. I couldn't help myself. When I saw the clock turn 12:00 I lost control. There was nothing I could do. I sat holding my girls, rocking my girls. Knowing I would never get to rock Charlie again. We stayed awake until it was midnight Charlie's time. By then the girls were zonked out. Derek and I sat on our front steps and toasted Charlie with champagne. Derek held me while I wept. He allowed me to cry as hard as I needed.

The first day of 2011 we spent as a family. We stayed in our jammies and watched movies. Then went to have pork sandwiches with the Carmicheal family.

3 months old...

Holy moley time flies. The girls are just over 3 months old. They are raising their heads, smiling like crazy, and even doing some "talking". Emma is much more chatty, but Katie is getting there. We've started putting them in the bumbo chairs and making sure they get some tummy time in. Their hair is all growing back and getting thicker. I'm still rooting for that dark hair. Emma's eyes are crazy bright blue and Katie's look like they are going to be brown like mine. People say they are looking more and more alike. I still just see two very different little girls.

Emma
Katie

Emma

Katie

My princesses

We have been video conferencing with my mom every other day or so. She enjoys it. I kinda enjoy it too. The girls don't so much care yet.

Here are pictures from their 3 month photo shoot.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Christmas Eve dinner was at our house. I made brisket, twice baked potatoes, and broccoli. I must say, it was pretty tastey.

The girls made quite the haul for Christmas. The amount of stuff that was under the tree for two 3 month old babies is quite astonishing. They slept through most of it though. The "opened" their presents from both their grandparents while they were here. On Christmas day they opened their presents from Santa, great grandma Haake, aunt Cassie and uncle Scott, great aunt/uncle Deb and Bob, and our friend Kristy. They got lots of clothes from the grandparents, some bonds (mommy and daddy's request...all about saving for college), toys from santa, and handmade metal keepsakes from Kristy.

You will notice all of their Christmas outfits. I tried very hard to make sure they wore each one atleast twice. I always feel bad when they only get to wear an outfit once.

New Years was pretty uneventful. We stayed home most of the day and just hung out as a family. We did go to dinner with Uncle Ryan before he went out to party. At midnight we toasted the new year (while mommy held the girls and sobbed). We stayed up until 1 am our time because that was when Charlie rang in the New Year. Again, I sobbed. In some ways that was harder than Christmas. I guess I just wasn't ready to push out 2010. Charlie is in 2010. He doesn't get to come with us (physically) into 2011. I feel like I am leaving him behind. I don't want him to think I am forgetting him.

Our Family at Christmas Eve--if you look between us you can see Charlie's sock monkey and his angel picture. We made sure he was in the picture too.
Christmas morning

The Thursday before Christmas

New Christmas jammies

Our first Christmas party

My poor poor Emma...

So, I noticed earlier this week that Emma felt warm. She had a low grade fever on and off from about Tuesday morning. She had also seemed to take forever to eat, so I knew something was brewing. My mom arrived on Friday night. I had to fight with her to get 3 oz down her and she refused to nurse at all. I took her temp and it was 101. Since I am on the conservative side, I called the on-call doc. He said to give her tylenol and bring her in the office Saturday morning. As I walked out the door I told my mom..."I hope we don't get admitted". Too bad that is exactly what happened. She slept in bed with me ( I swore I would never do that) and at 4:00 I gave her tylenol because her temp was 101.5. I fed her about 5 and changed her diaper. She didn't have another wet diaper until noon and didn't eat until 11 Saturday morning. So, we went to the ED hoping she would just get some labs drawn and maybe some fluids. They went ahead and did a chest x-ray which to everyone's surprise showed a small right uppper lobe pneumonia. So, off to the floor we went. She will most likely be here until Tuesday getting IV antibiotics. They were giving her fluids, but stopped those this afternoon. She continues to spike fevers of 101-102. They give a little tylenol and they come down for a bit. I think the fevers are more because of whatever virus has her than the actual pneumonia. Her lungs sound clear. No wheezing or fluid. She had a head to toe rash yesterday from the virus. It seems to be fading. When she doesn't have a fever she is her normal perky-happy-bright eyed self. When her fever starts creeping up her little eyes get glassy and you can just tell she doesn't feel good. I'm hoping we are about done with this. Watching her feel so icky is awful. It makes me feel so helpless.

Tree Lighting and Remembering Charlie...

We attended the Children's Tree lighting ceremony. Gerry and Marti Cowden (Derek's parent's friends) dedicated a blue light on the tree to Charlie and and a white light for each Emma and Katie. Derek brought the girls up to the hospital. I parked ourselves to where I knew we could see the tree. Just looking in the program and seeing my three babies names brought me to tears. I kept running my fingers over Charlie's name while I kissed my girls. There was a little Christmas program and then they lit the tree. Strange how the simple lighting of a tree has so much emotion tied to it when you know that a tiny piece represents the most precious parts of you. I sobbed. I leaned on Derek as we held our girls staring at that tree. Wishing I could go touch one of those blue lights just so I could touch Charlie in some manner.

Wednesday was the Remembrance Ceremony. It is a ceremony for anyone who has lost a child regardless of age. I had Charlie's name put in the program. They read off all of the names and chime a bell for each child. Hearing your child's name read by someone else validates they existed. As they read Charlie's name I looked at his picture. I kissed Emma and cried. I look at them and see how much they have changed and wonder where he would have been. Would he be as happy as they are? Would he smile as much as Katie does? I will never know.